By Erin Clark

Yes people, this has been done before. However, unless you’re a sixth year (shut up) student like me, you won’t remember the last "10 Best List." And with UMF’s recent housing difficulties, which leave the new crop of apple-cheeked first year students stacked one on top of another, you can consider this a public service announcement. And now, the list:

(Editor's note: Check out the handy-dandy map at the end of the article and click on the different numbers to see their ratings)

10. Purington Sauna: Many of you are thinking "There’s a sauna in Purington?! Cool!" – while the more seasoned readers know better: "Eww. Have you seen that place? I wouldn’t touch my bare rump to any of its horizontal surfaces." Yer both right. Take some Lysol and a towel, and bring new meaning to "getting hot and sweaty in the sauna."

9. Computer Center Bathroom: Ok, the mirror above the sink creeps me out (it feels very Big Brother-esque – as though people are standing behind it, fascinated by my hand-washing) but – the door locks! Try and pick a time of day when thousands of people aren’t around, and remember, the week before finals is not a good time to expand your horizons here.

8. Radio Station: Oh yeah, it’s been done. Think that just because there’s a huge window in the front that people can’t move to the music in the radio station? You’re wrong! Get one of those 11PM to 2AM time slots, dim the studio lights and set that 200 CD disc changer on shuffle.

7. Photography Darkroom: It’s dark, the door locks, it’s open after hours, and it’s not well known (yet) as a place to be on the lookout for a bit of fornication. Downsides – you probably will have to pretend to be able to develop film and pictures, and there’s a small charge for using the darkroom if you aren’t a photography student. Still, it’s a small price to pay for such creative motivation.

6. Amphitheater Stage: Annoyed that the higher-ups are considering tearing down part of Abbot Park for a parking lot? Gather ten or twelve of your closet friends and stage a fuck-in on the amphitheater stage. Show UMF’s leaders that students would miss that section of Abbott Park.

5. MBNA: Ok, so it’s not on campus, but since MBNA bought the land that the always entertaining Abbott apartment building (renowned for its parties, as anyone who’s been here a few years can attest to) once stood on, wouldn’t it be fun to bring a little bit of Farmington’s own Animal House back to the lot across from Roberts?

4. Library Study Room: Our fabulous UMF library affords many locations just perfect for a bit of action. There are glass-fronted study rooms for the exhibitionists, audio-visual rooms for those who like more privacy (they’re a bit small, however, according to the personal account of one Fifty-One % staffer), and stacks and stacks of books to explore those librarian porn fantasies.

3. Pick a Laundry Room, any Laundry Room: Every dorm has one, and they’re usually pretty empty at night. Do you think those big tables are just for folding clothes? You can be productive and actually *do* laundry at the same time. Use all those quarters you were sent to school with and get dirty while you clean your clothes.

2. Pool Table, Scott South: As this issue goes to print, I’m not sure if the Scott South pool table is still with us. However, a few of us at Fifty-One % feel the need to pay tribute to our freshman year when we knew many couples who put the 8 ball in the pocket.

1. Under the Picnic Table Between Mallett and Lockwood: I pray that the two lovely people who entertained me one evening last April are reading this. Didn’t you notice that dozens of windows face down on your well-conceived (read: drunken) love-nest? If you wanted to be watched, you should have put on more of a show. If not – maybe you’ll get some ideas from the nine semi-private places listed above.